Times to ponder
Last couple of years, I spent a lot of time thinking. Just thinking. It got a little scary at times, sometimes in a "Zen and the art of MM" way (not in depth, but in terms of the extremes that Phadreus touches). An experiment I tried was to try and tire myself out with movies, books et al (work didn't make it) so as to prevent the overwhelming contemplative thrusts.
It didn't always work out that way. But here, they make us do so much work in the 1st sem, that it is sometimes a relief that I don't have the time to waste with an inward locus. This week has been different from the others, and the reflective ways have been reborn. But some of it has been positive stuff.
'Tis is the yearning we need to control. It's hard. We yearn for these crutches, these outward back-pats. The pain is mental so when it is supplanted by the pain of lack of sleep and associated physical complaints, it is pushed aside.
{note to self: where is this post going? :-)}
It didn't always work out that way. But here, they make us do so much work in the 1st sem, that it is sometimes a relief that I don't have the time to waste with an inward locus. This week has been different from the others, and the reflective ways have been reborn. But some of it has been positive stuff.
'Tis is the yearning we need to control. It's hard. We yearn for these crutches, these outward back-pats. The pain is mental so when it is supplanted by the pain of lack of sleep and associated physical complaints, it is pushed aside.
{note to self: where is this post going? :-)}
4 Comments:
You remind me of this person I know, who used to spend a LOT of her time just exercising her intellect. Something that you would normally encourage just became a compulsion in itself for her. You're probably EXACTLY like that, though I don't know you so well, so who am I to judge? On the off-chance (yes I know, really slim) that you are seeking advice, I'd say just indulge yourself whenever you can, the capacity to elevate mere thinking to something much more complex is the sole province of man. Not that I'm saying that you should be seeking approval. And yes, your blog does strike a chord, so I guess it IS "going somewhere".
Elne, thanks for those kind words. I found that any spontaneity I had in this period of overthinking was being blocked by over-analysis - a friend has a good phrase for it: paralysis through analysis.
I'm trying to overcome this block, even if it means falling flat on my face occasionally, because sometimes it may even turn out to be fruitful.
I'm kind of in the reverse mode at this point - two years of grad school left me drained, and am in the extert-myself-for-no-point phase.
You're making a point. I wish I could elaborate, but it is hard enough as it is without having to put it to words.
I wonder... do you ever get this... feeling (for want of a better word) of experiencing something profound, you know, you marvel at its simplicity (because these kind of things are usually simple), and yet, you can dimly sense that it is important that you grasp its subtlety entirely. And then you start to think about it, and the subtlety escapes you :-). For me, its usually when I hear this song "Comptine D'un Autre ete" in the movie "Amelie". Its like I've stumbled onto something, and I can't quite bend my mind around it.
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